it's smudgedddd 'cause it rained heavily after act and i got caught in the rain T_T
i was really hungry when i drew on this! okay lemme explain.
yesterday during recess, we'd this gep briefing/meeting thing, so we'd to go to the board room :O and LO AND BEHOLD, there was food provided for us! ^^ japanese food, actually omnom.
so i ate... two packets -cough-. i drew ^ after the first packet.
AHA. and i still was hungry after that roflroflrofl O_O
saw ma'ams yesterday too! because of prize-giving :D i totally avoided them ._. for no reason at all, actually.
homework!! so much chinese T_T
hi guys! credits to hanyi:
Left brain: I am the left brain. I am a scientist. A mathematician. I love the familiar. I categorize. I am accurate. Linear. Analytical. Strategic. I am practical. Always in control. A master of words and language.(I wish ._.) Realistic. I calculate equations and play with numbers. I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am.
Right brain: I am the right brain. I am creativity. A free spirit. I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of roaring laughter. I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feet. I am movement. Vivid colors. I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. I am everything I wanted to be.
I! Am! As! Such!
(read from right to left!)
hugo is dying.
ONCE AGAIN, THIS KIND OF POST APPEARS.
faksd/? why is he dying? I DON'T KNOW. he was fine a few days ago, when i checked on him. then you say "fiona you didn't check on him yesterday" etc. etc. i didn't. because who'd have thought?
WHY? why now? he's not that old. he wasn't sick. HOW?
i'm not that close to hugo, afksdc it he is my brother's. but i am sad. sad because his life ended HERE.
it's a full stop.
but he's not dead yet.
he's sleeping. and okay this might seem like i've mistaken him for dying but he hasn't eaten his food.
i... i want to hope, but hope can't bring him back.
i am so tired of all this. i will never own a pet again.
okay i lied.
I. DON'T. KNOW.
i don't want hugo to die :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
i'm scared burberry and nikebaby will die too.
my _ just said that she was dying too.
I HATE LIFE.
today was a totally weird day o_o and in a neutral kinda weird o_o
firstly act! O_O O_O I MADE A WEIRD MISTAKE?!?! let's not dwell on it.
yes, moving on... OMG pitching was a terror due to that weird mistake ._.
and omg vanessa + bouncing pole?! (this is v cryptic 'cause you are not supposed to understand it duhhh unless you were there duhhh).
okay onto things.
uhm. i realise i don't really blog much ._.
but honestly, there's nothing much to blog about! i realise that the days pass SO fast nao. it's already week 8 O_O seriously WAO. and haha, i still miss 213.
i've to admit i was Disappointed today. (another cryptic message unrelated to the cryptic message above) 2 years - and you STILL don't know. i feel like i try to give and give and you keep on - not even taking, just leaving everything on the sidewalk, while you walk on.
yes, you are moving on. and i? i'm trying to. but when i catch up with you, like old friends do, you brush me off.
okay skip to happier things:
THERE IS AN ANT ON THE LAPTOP IT IS V ANNOYING.
that was not the happier thing. uhm, happy! because ... i... will... eat... less... and exercise moar. OKAY HAHA I FAIL AT WEIGHT LOSS WTFWTF.
and i think i'm growing fatter o_o like i can see/feel a difference? but sabrina doesn't. i think she's just unobservant. you'll probably go "OMG FIONA YOU GETTING BDD
OMG" but no! truthfully it's not a very OBVIOUS weight gain, because i gain weight -cough- at the thighs which i Normally Don't Expose (speaking of which today -_- i wore semi-translucent shorts WTFFF VERY UNSUITABLE RIGHT HAHA okay pretend i'm talking to myself) yezzz. okay this is a bit too much information ._.
hmm! tomorrow i must buy new foolscap ^^ i love new foolscap. new anything, actually - they are clean, and not faded/scratched, and i like the thought of new beginnings. except people-wise, i like both old and new people wth. in fact i think sometimes i cling too much to memories.
aiy! anyway. PE tomorrow ^^ i like mr ang :D's muscles!! THIS SOUNDS SO WRONG BUT NO. i am envious of them wth T_T and okay maybe if i actually possessed his muscle mass it'd look super huge on my body frame O_O so maybe HALF of it. and his muscle strength is just WAO! ahaha. i realise i'm super unfit wth -sighs-.
fiona will download snsd videos into her phone O_O i can watch them on the bus!
my like for snsd is completely not weird!
i'm so incoherent and i'm babbling on and no one really reads this lor! 'cause all the people that i know read my blog say 1. "i read it occasionally" or 2. i ctrl-f my name or 3. TOO LONG AND THE FONT TOO SMALL.
HAHAHA it's all so true. i feel so dejected nao. blogging used to be what i really treasured, 'cause in a way - after blogging so long omg like 5 years?!?! OMG. - it kinda defines me. but now i'm blogging less and less (grammar...?) D: so Sad. So Sad. and right now, i'm slowly beginning to discover that no one really read my blog in the first place and no one really reads my blog now and i know blogging is supposed to be for myself but cannot! i'm very self-centred one ARGH.
it's so traumatizing; it's like you're the earth and one day you realise the sun doesn't revolve around you after all (FML).
but... oh well. i'll live with it :(
ms chan gave us a list of recommended books and movies and i am awakened in a "WTF HOW COME I HAVE READ LESS THAN A QUARTER OF THIS" way. i think esther ma'am would totally like the list ARGHZX CHEEM PEOPLE (although their cheemness does not define them).
omg i just typed like an ahlian. (and now i'm stereotyping ah lians!)
okay yknow what, goodbye :)
i seriously hate it like this.
i hate it when i feel disappointed by myself, when i've to pretend that it's alright, when squadmates are angry, when tensions run high, when it has to end like that.
OMG AND I SAW JJM YESTERDAY?! on 961?! i'm totally unprepared for things like that omfg because 961 - no one takes it. and then i'm on my phone and looking and then suddenly i feel a strange compulsion to turn (actually i think someone bumped onto me ._.) to the side and I SEE JJM?!?!? who was leaving the bus (i was standing in front of the doors) with her friend. and that was omfgfreaky and unexpected and i said: "hi ma'am". and when she left: "bye ma'am". LOL.
i am strangely, so very tired.
ARGHSZXAFE MATH QUIZ TEEDOTTEE.
about going to a snsd concert -cries-. okay this is not my fault it is JIACHUN'S FAULT FOR GOING TO TAYLOR SWIFT'S CONCERT IN THE FIRST PLACE :( which made me think about going to a snsd concert. but actually the dream wasn't very realistic, yet the first thing i thought of when i woke up was
I NEED TO BLOG ABOUT THIS
before i realised... there is actually nothing to blog about, wtf. although the phrase could mean blogging about my dream... which i am doing now, lol.
things that happened that were weird:
- tingting (?!)
- my grandmother's bed O_O
- plastic umbrellas
okay at least it was practical in a sense, because it was in korean. i didn't really HEAR the korean, though o_O and there was this part where 9 fans of the 9 of them in snsd were chosen to give snsd a PRESENT that included WEITING who was giving someone corn. which is weird, because 1. weiting doesn't like snsd she likes super junior 2. i think i mixed this up somehow with her good progress award wthwth (the going on stage part LOL).
oh and of course there was the usual teleportion, from my grandmother's bed (where we choped seats using the plastic umbrellas... super wtf) to the concert venue HAHAHA. oh and i was with ting ting. no idea why ._.
okay that's it i gotta goooooooo :D bai!
yo! okayokay i've to go bathe soon so! ^^ here's my first day of the lunar new year.
uhm, i woke up pretty late. around 11 or so. but i really slept late yesterday :3 so yep! actually i woke up groggily, then went into my parents' room and saw my father sleeping on the bed so i sat on the bed and dozed off ._. lol.
then when i was finally awake i did these things in order: 1. eat breakfast 2. change 3. wear shoes 4. walk around aimlessly 5. wish my hamsters a happy new year and sang them a xin nian ge. HAHAHA I'M QUITE WEIRD RIGHT? also i brought burberry out to play! and then she wriggled through a hole. you know the bed, at the corners there are... gaps, yes? she totally ran through and i panicked at some ball of dust thinking that she was stuck there O_O and then when i finally realised that the dust was not her, i quickly pushed the mattress (below the bed) out and tried to look for her. then, my grandmother screamed at me 'cause she was literally halfway across the dining room already wtf and then i screamed also and i was wearing socks and i slid across the floor and ! tada. by then i was seriously freaked so i grabbed her and rested on the bed again. she wriggled out again and fell (!! i'm super afraid of her falling 'cause i don't want it to be like the last time
. but it was okay this time la 'cause it wasn't from too high up) and ran away AGAIN but at least she couldn't get away :D okay anyway i realise i devoted an entire paragraph to this little incident ._. my sentences are all jumbled up and running into each other wth bad sentence structure okay.
Erm. Yes. After all that, we went out! By then, it was already around noon :/ and so, my parents + my brother and sister + I tried to hail a taxi/call a taxi. We failed miserably. Around one (YES! We waited for one hour -_- so failllll.) we decided, haha, to take the MRT to Redhill, where my maternal grandparents are living.
When we arrived at my grandparents' house, we basically ate lunch (a super late lunch at four o'clock -.-) and hung around being bored. I googled creepy stuff! Like literally "creepy things on the internet" because I was being biantai and weird?! and _ never mind. And I found a creepypasta tumblr that freaked me out to the max wtf. Then I googled Barney and discovered that Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez were once on the series! And Barney is now on hiatus LOL. But I'm a bit slow regarding the Demi/Selena thing o_o they were so cute back then! (and pretty now~)
Yes! So I googled creepy stuff (ew suicide of politican I will not say the name here omg 'cause I feel kinda creeped out, like, NOW o_o) and then slept in the taxi (v uncomfortably) on the way to my paternal grandmother's/aunt's house! (My grandmother is living with one of my aunts)
Lots of people there! Little boredom! Ate! Played Taptap! Played with 2 of my cousins ^^ and gambled! Okay i've loads to say about this (my shift key is completely screwed eek).
yeah so gambing! cny recreational gambling is quite common i'd assume? IS IT ILLEGAL OMG okay never mind. okay well in my family it occurs every year or so la, and i don't usually participate in it. but this year, out of interest, i did! and for the first part of the gambling, my father was winning. BIGTIME. and i felt really creeped out and freaked out and !!!! in general because according to the fengshui shifu my mother (who was sitting beside my father during the process) would be having good luck (her zodiac is the dog!) this year. and SCARILY, MY FATHER WON EVERY SINGLE ROUND, EVEN AS THE DEALER?!??! and also when i curiously joined in, i won the first few rounds too! which i felt was kind of eerie and xie2... o_o like he was totally on a winning streak and the pile of money kept increasing. actually i think besides this weird luckiness, something that bothered me was this phrase, running through my mind "what goes around comes around". i don't mean to cu*se my father or WHAT but seriously... i was thinking that throughout. lo and behold, the second half he lost terribly (but still not as seriously as he won o_O).
and i lost even more wtfff i even borrowed money from rachel (my cousin). OKAY SORRY FOR A MOMENT THERE I SUCCUMBED TO THE LURE OF THE
SIN GAMBLING BUG. okay sorry sorry i will never do it again. and i don't think i can be a gambler, ever, because looking at the faces of my relatives... and that feeling... was not good at all? like, some people feel really exhilarated winning, but all i felt was a weird vibe. even though when i saw that pile of money, the feeling was momentarily GREAT! but it passed v quickly.
the purpose of the above paragraph is to show yall that i'm v moral actually. actually no whatever. BAI.
(note: no pictures because my camera phone is uncharged ._. i'll upload them... soon.) (REALLY)
second day, whoohoo. ERM! no pictures. i forgot to take them.
anyway, i woke up around 9+, and did the usual stuff etc. then, we took a taxi to my aunt's house! we were the first to arrive (around eleven thirty) FOR ONCE HAHA. i ate a lot: sausages omnom (NOT THE CUT-THE-ROPE CHARACTER), french fries, and oreo bonbons. and a lot of other cny goodies GAHHH. also played ball (half-heartedly ._.) and hung around~ with the tortoise! lol. it likes to crawl up to peoples' feet O_O?! i think it's 'cause it was cold D: because seriously, when it climbed up to my feet, its belly (?) was really wet and cold ._.
then! we went to some relative's house. i don't really... know. anyway food! and card games. ooh card games are fun! like bridge ^^ and taiti. WE DIDN'T USE MONEY HOR. and i am not sinking into an abyss of gambling! also played hide and seek with some of the children ^^ they're so cute omg. liek seriously i'm so OLD omg! i just felt "15" very strongly. and michelle (my older cousin) IS ALREADY EIGHTEEN WTFWTF. that's... so... old. W-O-W -expounds on this-.
and then! we went to someone's house. i don't know how to translate it from the dialect O_O okay anyway, it was just a short stopover, anyway. we went to another person's house (JUST TWO UNITS AWAY :D so convenient! especially to take care of the elderly... aunt. i cannot phrase this properly at all) to EAT MORE and WATCH PEOPLE PLAY CARD GAMES.
then we came back home! on the way home i totally spammed creepypastaaaaaaa
(i totally hope _ doesn't see this PLSPLSPLS) on my phone. but i cannot take video creepypastas wtf. TEXT CREEPYPASTAS ARE CREEPY ENOUGH, thanks. but strangely addictive O_O yep~
and later we're gonna celebrate my grandaunt (who lives with us)'s birthday! HAPPYBIRTHDAY -add heart-. i'm very sorry to my grandaunt who has to put up with my nonsense FOR 15 YEARS OF HER LONG LONG LIFE. and i hope she lives till she's 100 very happily and healthily ^^
okayy. i'm gonna post this when i've added the pictures ^^
hai! so, it's almost a week after the first day of cny -_- in fact, it has been a week -_- anyway it's the 11th of february now and i've got a sh!tty migraine (wtf) that has been annoying me for the ENTIRE DAY and being very painful and on-off (!! HATE THESE KINDS MAX!) and generally.. horrible. so i'm gonna blog fast and go sleep D: my eyes kinda hurt O_O the screen seems so bright lollol.
anyway i'll be blogging about yesterday, mainly! interesting anecdote.
yes, so yesterday i was wearing squad hoodie onto the bus, 'cause it was really cold. so yes, i went into the bus and fell asleep... as usual -_- so apparently, I BLENDED IN WITH THE BUS' INTERIOR AT DAWN OR SOMETHING because no one woke me up when we reached nanyang. in fact, i was sleeping all throughout and the driver apparently didn't see me either; neither did the next schools' students (i'm just assuming there were other schools, 'cause 1. when i woke up at cashew road/street/whatever, there was a school nearby 2. the bus driver asked me what school i was from) care. SO YES I WOKE UP AT CASHEW ROAD?! LOL?!
okay this part is slightly freaky: uhm, i sometimes have outofbody experiences/semi-consciousness. so i'll be actually sleeping, but i'd hear the people near me speaking. when these incidents occur, the people are usually speaking about me, and then i hear my name and then i wake up. but this time, they hadn't even mentioned my name/me yet; the driver and the auntie were outside the school bus discussing some driver thing, and then suddenly (in chinese), i hear a loud !:
AIYO! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!
and i was startled and woke up. and i was like WTFWTFWHEREAMI. and anyway that's basically it. the driver drove me to nanyang; i was LATE (obviously) (but shhh i didn't get caught SHHH, somehow o_o). yeah.
that's it! and yesterday i was thinking about how maturity is such a fascinating thing.
seriously, if you read my blog from 2 years ago and my blog NOW, the posts and styles are SO DIFFERENT. it's only been 2 years, and i've seem to have grown so much emotionally. most importantly, my blog is SO BORING NAOO and i'm not saying this only 'cause i've not been blogging (-cough-). it's just, the posts are not entertaining/funny and i talk randomly and i am growing duller and duller by the second too. ofc this means that i'm less frivolous... which i actually don't like. as in i like being frivolous (?!)-sounding and frivolous-looking but i don't like being frivolous. BUT I AM NOT! FRIVOLOUS. really, i know it may seem really unbelievablehaha, but sincerely i am a Deep Thinker.
okay fiona you can stop this now back to the point.
YES! and anyway i was thinking about this on the mrt after my dental appointment yesterday, and i thought: does this maturity mean i'm fully emotionally mature now, like an adult? because when i normally think about these issues, the height of emotional maturity (to me) seems to be when I'VE REACHED ADULTHOOD. so i was pondering: have i experienced things beyond my years, and most importantly, have i matured beyond my years too?
i'm sure most of us (erm maybe only me -_-?) think at points in our lives: life sucks. it is full of sh!t. where's the meaning in this pointless routine? does this mean that we've matured? we might THINK that what we're feeling and experiencing (at that point in time) is dreadfully... adult, and so PROFOUND, but we're all wrong.
i mean okay i'm mostly talking about myself, because there were times when i reflect on a certain issue, and i feel slightly proud for being so cheem and thinking deep thoughts. but no. we don't know anything yet, because our peak of cheemness/maturity is only up to HERE, and of course we would think that HERE is the highest point, when actually half of the mountain is not yet climbed.
like, i think that my writing is good. NO IT ISN'T. i cannot even EXPRESS myself properly and powerfully; how can i consider myself as GOOD, or even SEMI-GOOD. sure, my grammar and all is okay (HAHA I WISH I FEEL MY ABILITY SLIPPING) but srsly, if you just would READ vicariously, vocabulary and grammar proficiency is easy to achieve. even chicklits will do haha okay ignore this piece of unsound advice. so anyway yes!! my writing is horrible, but i kept on thinking that i was good. for an extended period of time. before my amazing discovery.
^ does this amazing discovery (that i'm not actually fully emotionally mature yet) mean that I AM ACTUALLY FULLY EMOTIONALLY MATURE?! (this is quite confusing but you get it right?) no it does not. because once again we think that we've climbed to the top, but no! another half is in the clouds. the clouds will part as we progress - but not yet.
is there ever a peak? i think, not. it's impossible to measure such things. maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm right. but i'll have to live life to know, and possibly RESEARCH. but why would i do that, when i could experience my own? is complete maturity being jaded? being so SICK of life because we have known that life, in fact, really does suck? -shrug- LOL i wanna sleep this is too long and painful for my brain.
anyway. to conclude this possibly incoherent rubbishy passage: I AM STILL A CHILD. i have my dreams, my hopes and my passions that i will one day throw away - only to discover some more. i'm not yet emotionally mature; i am not yet grown.
Ok. So my very unique family decides to have our reunion dinner on Tuesday, instead of Wecnesday, and at Singapore Polytechnic. Erm... Yeah. Btw I'm on my windows phone! Ok. Anyway just now I was v. pissed with my brother and so I said something I shouldn't have... Something which was quite. Mean. But even then, my family members (including my dear parents) shouldn't be ganging up on me and saying that I'm a bad sister and making me feel even worse. On Chinese New Year's eve's eve, somemore. When I'm sick and coughing like siao ;/ ok maybe my sickness doesn't matter but! But! Wtf. And my mother made me cry by saying that I also will fail my exams. (Okayyy I guess yall know what I said). THANKS MOTHER. Oh, and at least I'm mature enough to STOP crying, so that I don't completely ruin the festive mood, unlike my brother who has been crying/acting sad for one freaking hour. He's gonna be twelve this year la please. Can someone say IMMATURE? Oh wait, I did. And got scolded for it.
So annoying . But okay happy mood activate :D:D sorry for the lack of posts! I've been busy. Sorta. Yeah but I'll have a HUGE CNY post. It's.. uhm, tradition? for me to blog massive amounts of frivolities during this time of year. Plus all my unposted photos :/ from last year and my old phone. Btw I miss my old phone's cameraaaaaa.
Hohum am eating. Tomorrow will be fun! Goodbai :D